When Words Leave Bruises You Can’t See

She used to think she was the crazy one.

Every argument somehow became her fault.
He’d say things that left her shaking and then act like nothing happened.

Her husband’s words had grown sharper over the years, laced with sarcasm and criticism, and cruel comments that left her feeling small and shaky inside.

“I tell myself to ignore it,” she said. “But it still hurts. And when I finally snap and yell back, he says I’m the one who’s crazy.”

And for years, Leah told herself, he’s just stressed. I’m just too sensitive.

But her body knew the truth. Her chest tightened every time she heard his footsteps.  Her voice got smaller, her spark dimmer.

She was living in emotional exhaustion, trying to survive in a home that felt unpredictable.

When she finally reached out for help, she whispered, “He’s never hit me. But I feel crushed anyway.”

The Turning Point

During our first few sessions, Leah was desperate to make him change.  She thought if she could just find the perfect words, he’d finally see how much he was hurting her.

But that only led to more arguments, more defensiveness, more pain. One night, after a particularly painful exchange, she locked herself in her room and whispered, “Hashem, I can’t do this anymore.”

She didn’t mean she was giving up; she meant she was ready to stop doing what didn’t work.

So instead of defending herself, she decided to focus on emotional safety, creating peace inside her, even when there wasn’t peace around her.

The next morning, she took a long walk, davened, and made herself a promise: “I will take care of me, no matter what comes out of his mouth.”

That day, when he threw out a snide remark, she quietly said, “Ouch,” and left the room.
No lecture. No fight. No explaining herself. Just calm self-respect.

She began a simple self-care practice, just five minutes a day of something that brought her peace. And slowly, something changed. The tone in their home began to change. Not overnight, but steadily.

Her energy shifted. She felt calmer. She wasn’t engaging in the same old battles.

He started noticing, and oddly, he didn’t yell as much. He became less defensive, less reactive.  And she became stronger, softer, and more at peace.

Months later, she told me, “He’s gentler now. But even more than that, I’m gentler with myself.”

“I’m not so afraid of him anymore,” she told me one day.  “It’s like he lost power when I stopped reacting.”

Self-Respect 

Emotional or verbal abuse is never okay.  The instinct is to fight back or explain. But trying to fight or control it often feeds the cycle. You can’t reason your way to safety.  You reclaim it through self-respect.

Real change begins when you protect your own emotional space. That means:

• Walking away from harsh words instead of arguing back.  
• Refusing to engage in arguments that spiral.
• Speaking kindly to yourself even when he doesn’t.
• Building a life filled with calm, joy, and support outside the marriage by taking time daily to fill yourself.
• Refusing to make his moods your measuring stick for peace.

When you stop reacting, stop swallowing the poison, and start nurturing yourself, the dynamic begins to shift. Something powerful happens: the temperature in the home begins to drop. 

And often, as you grow calmer, he senses the change and his tone starts to soften too. Even if it doesn’t change right away, you stay safe, centered, and steady.  And while not every man responds, many do, because the power play no longer works.

Emotional abuse thrives on reaction.  Peace begins in detachment.

Your Growth Invitation

If you’re reading this and your heart is pounding, you’re not alone.

And while you can’t control his behavior, you can change how much it affects you. You can learn how to protect your heart without losing your dignity, without shouting, shaming, or shutting down.

You deserve peace. You deserve kindness. You deserve to feel safe in your own home.

If you’re ready to explore what that could look like, I’d love to walk with you.

Schedule a Free Chat with me

Let’s talk privately about what’s been happening.  Together, we’ll create a plan to help you feel strong, respected, and confident again.