Shavuos and Shalom Bayis

Yom Tov can feel like the longest 48 hours ever when you're dealing with a difficult relationship.

Maybe your husband shows up late for the seudah or not at all after a night of hocking instead of learning, or he sleeps the whole day instead of helping with the kids. Maybe he’s mean and hurtful, sarcastic and rude, or withdrawn and quiet. 

Your deepest hopes and dreams are dashed. This is not the life you expected.  

What can you do to get him to change? 

Nothing. 

You can only change yourself. You owe it to you, not him. When you decide to be the one to step out of the cycle of criticism, complaints, and cold war and show up as your best self, you feel dignified, peaceful, and unburdened by his “stuff”. 

Your relationship with yourself shapes all the other relationships in your life.  The first step toward improving your marriage is looking at how you treat yourself.  You don’t need him to be perfect for you to be happy. You can claim your power by choosing how you show up. 

How would it be to shift your focus away from everything he’s doing wrong to what you’re doing right?  What would prioritizing your desires and your happiness look like for you? How can you plan your Yom Tov so it’s filled with activities that bring you joy? Do you have a friend or family member you can visit? Can you make a playdate swap so you can get a nap? Is there a shiur or tehillim group you can join? Is there a great new book you can buy and curl up with?  Is there a guest you would love to invite?  What makes YOUR heart sing?

It doesn't mean you’re self-centered.  It's about honoring yourself and showing those around you how you deserve to be treated. 

Taking responsibility for your own happiness is the biggest treat you can give yourself, even sweeter than cheesecake.