How to Stop Begging for Attention

Etty stared at her phone, willing it to light up with a message from him.
Not logistics.
Not reminders.

Just… interest.
Curiosity.
A sign that she mattered.

Etty didn’t want grand gestures.
She wasn’t asking for poetry or deep heart-to-hearts every night.

She just wanted to feel seen.  She desperately wanted to feel a deep connection with her husband. 

But here’s the part that made her ache the most:
She couldn’t even articulate what exactly she wanted him to do.

She just knew something was missing.

“Why doesn’t he want to know me?”

Etty came to me discouraged and listless.

“He’s not interested in the things I’m interested in,” she said.
“He doesn’t ask questions. I’m mid-sentence, and I can see his attention disappear into his phone.”

She felt dismissed and invisible.
So she stopped trying.

She took marriage classes and tried to put what she learned into practice. 

But nothing seemed to draw him in.  She felt deeply alone.

The silent trap she didn’t see

Etty was spending all her emotional energy tracking his feelings.

Was he tired?
Was he stressed?
Did I say too much?
Should I say less?
Am I asking for too much?

She was so focused on trying to figure out what he was thinking that she completely abandoned herself.

And here’s the heartbreaking truth:

When a woman disconnects from her own desires…
She becomes harder to connect to.

Because connection isn’t created through need.
It’s created through energy.

And hoping, especially silent hoping, feels heavy.

The silent weight he could feel

Here’s what Etty didn’t realize:

Even when nothing is said, longing carries weight.

Because underneath that quiet hoping is an unspoken message:
“You’re failing me.”
“I’m disappointed.”

She never said those words, but he felt them.

Most men experience a woman’s unhappiness as their fault.
If she’s withdrawn, sad, or flat, he hears:
“I’m not enough.”

And that pressure, even when unspoken, makes him shut down, not step up.

Here’s the truth that changes everything:

She will not become happy when he starts connecting to her.
He will start connecting to her when she becomes happy.

The shift that changed everything

I asked Etty:
“How do you feel?”
“What do you want?”

Not what he wants.
What you want.

At first, she didn’t know.

She had spent so long monitoring his mood, his needs, his reactions…
that she had completely lost touch with herself.

So she experimented with things that she used to enjoy and that brought her back to life:
Going to a shiur and staying after to shmooze
Finding a daily walking partner
Joining the library and digging into a great novel

Not to escape her marriage.
But to reconnect with herself.

As she stopped waiting for him to fill the emptiness…
As she began honoring her own needs without guilt…

Her energy changed.

She smiled more.
She felt lighter.
Less resentful.
Less desperate.
More alive.

And slowly… he noticed.

Not because she demanded attention.
Not because she explained herself better.

But because you get what you give.

When a woman is connected to herself, she becomes easier to connect to.
When she stops carrying quiet disappointment, the air clears.
When she takes responsibility for her own happiness, warmth can return.

The truth most women never hear

You cannot force a man to be interested.

But you can make yourself magnetic in a way that naturally draws him in.

Connection doesn’t begin with him.
It begins when you stop waiting for him to make you feel whole.

If you see yourself in Etty
If you’re tired of feeling lonely inside your marriage 

I’d love to help you find your way back to yourself.

Book a free call here

And you don’t have to wait to feel alive again.