How to End the Cold War in Your Marriage

Bassie was completely exhausted.

She had been running all day...kids, errands, dinner, a hundred small things no one sees. She hadn’t sat down. She hadn’t eaten properly. She hadn’t done a single thing for herself in… she couldn’t even remember how long.

And when her husband walked in and said:

“Did you ever call the plumber? The sink is still leaking.”

Something inside her snapped.

Was he actually criticizing her and putting one more thing on her plate? She had nothing left to absorb the hurt.

No buffer.
No emotional reserves.

All she could do was shut down.

She told herself:
He’s so insensitive.
He never notices what I do.
I’m carrying everything alone.

And instead of expressing the hurt…
she swallowed it.

How the Cold War Began

From the outside, it looked calm.

But inside, Bassie was spiraling.

She replayed the comment over and over.
She built a whole story around it:
• He doesn’t appreciate me
• He expects everything from me
• He doesn’t care how exhausted I am

She stopped being warm.
Stopped initiating.
Stopped smiling.

And here’s the part she didn’t realize at the time:

He had no idea what he did wrong.

To him, it was a practical comment.
To her, it landed on an already empty tank.

So when she pulled away, he felt it.
But he didn’t understand it.

And like many men do when they feel shut out and confused…

He pulled back too.

Two Hurt People, One Silent Standoff

She thought, If he cared, he’d notice. He'd apologize...ask what's wrong.  Do something nice for me.
He thought, If something’s wrong, she’ll tell me.

Neither of them did.

And so the cold war began.

Not with anger.
But with exhaustion.
Misunderstanding.
And two people protecting themselves the only way they knew how.

The Missing Piece

When Bassie and I talked, something became very clear.

She wasn’t just hurt.

She was depleted.

And when you’re that depleted, everything feels sharper.
Comments feel heavier.
Small things feel personal.

She hadn’t said “ouch.”
She had just shut the door and stewed in it.

And resentment grew in the silence.

The Shift: Choosing to Change the Energy

This is where everything turned.

Bassie realized she had two choices:

Stay in the cold war…
or change how she showed up.

She chose the second.

Not by confronting.
Not by rehashing the past.

But by doing two simple things:

1. Taking care of herself again
   Resting. Breathing. Refilling her emotional cup.

2. Starting a Smile Campaign
   Not fake.
   Not forced.
   Intentional.

She chose to:
• Smile when she saw him
• Greet him warmly
• Soften her tone
• Stop punishing herself with distance

Not because he earned it.

But because she deserved peace.

What Happened Next

When she softened, he softened.

When she stopped being guarded, he leaned in.

Not because she explained and rehashed the scenario…
but because warmth invites warmth.

And suddenly, the house didn’t feel so heavy anymore.

The Truth Most Women Don’t Realize

You don’t get what you want in a relationship.

You get what you give.

If you give coldness, you get distance.
If you give silence, you get silence.
If you give warmth, you create space for connection.

And sometimes…
the bravest thing you can do
is go first.

If You’re Here Right Now…

If you’re exhausted.
If you’re hurt.
If you’ve been quietly pulling away instead of speaking up…

You’re human.

Schedule a free call and we’ll gently unpack what’s going on, where the disconnect started, and how to shift it.

👉 Schedule your free call here

Because peace doesn’t come from being right.

It comes from choosing connection even when you’re tired.