He Should Just Know

The baby was screaming. The two-year-old was pouring orange juice onto the floor. The kitchen was a disaster.

And her husband?

He was sitting at the Shabbos table. Relaxed. Eating a second bowl of cholent like it was a hotel buffet.

“Are you really just sitting there?” Naomi finally snapped.

He looked up, confused. “What? I thought you said you didn’t need help.”

She hadn’t said anything. But in her mind, it was obvious. The mess. The noise. The stress. How could he not see?

That night, when the house was quiet and she finally had a moment to herself, Naomi realized she felt invisible.  Unimportant. She was angry because she didn’t feel seen. Full of resentment that had nowhere to go. 

“I felt like I didn’t even exist,” she confided.

But the truth was… she didn’t even know what she wanted.

Not really. She knew what she didn’t want:  To be left alone cleaning. To feel like a single mother. To always carry the load.

But what she did want? She hadn’t taken the time to ask herself that in years.

Because saying “I want” felt selfish.  Unromantic. Dangerous.
What if he didn’t care?  What if he ignored it?  What if she asked, and he still did nothing?

So instead, she waited. Waited for him to guess.  Waited for him to offer.  Waited for him to make her feel important.

And when he didn’t?  The resentment built.  It felt safer not to want.  But that “safety” came at the cost of her joy.

Resentment is a sign: I’ve gone silent on myself.

When I asked Naomi, “What do you desire?” she didn’t know how to answer.

She’d never thought to ask herself that.  Somewhere deep down, she didn’t feel worth paying attention to. And saying what she wanted out loud made her feel guilty. An unentitled, ashamed feeling.

Instead, she focused on what he wasn’t doing. At first, she said:

“I just want him to notice when I need help.”

But that’s about him. We dug deeper.

“He should know what I need. I shouldn’t have to ask. I don’t want to tell him what I want. It makes me feel pathetic. Like I’m begging.”

Then came: “I would love a peaceful Motzi Shabbos where I could sit with a tea and not think about the cleanup.”

Yes. That was it. A desire. On her paper.  Not a demand. Not an instruction. Just her truth. She had desires.  They were just buried under years of silence.

And because she didn’t know how to name them, she defaulted to complaining and giving instructions:

• “Why don’t you ever help?”
• “You should have thought to call me.”
• “Can you just take care of that already?”

Not desires. Demands, disguised. She just didn’t know how to say what she really wanted.

She tried it. And everything changed.

The next week, without resentment in her tone, she simply said:

“I would love a clean kitchen and to sit down with a tea after havdala.”

She didn’t ask him to do anything.
She didn’t point out what he hadn’t done last week.
She didn’t tell him what he should care about.

She just expressed a desire.

And do you know what happened?

He got up. Swept the floor. Washed the dishes. Quietly. On his own.

She sat with her tea, barely holding back tears. Not because he did it. But because she finally made space for what she wanted and allowed herself to receive.

He didn’t suddenly become Prince Charming.  But the tension lifted.  The blame melted.

She let go of needing him to read her mind.  She let go of hiding her desires behind complaints and instructions.  She simply said what she wanted and left space for it to come to her.

Sometimes it did.  Sometimes it didn’t. She didn’t just get more of what she wanted.  She got her dignity back. 

Because your desires aren’t too much.  They’re not shameful.  They’re the doorway to connection because you honor yourself and become magnetic.

Expressing Pure Desires

This is one of the most transformational skills.

A pure desire sounds like:

💗 “I would love to take a quiet walk.”
💗 “I would love to go out for coffee.”
💗 “I would love to sleep in on Sunday.”

Just because: You’re allowed to want.

Ready to stop waiting to be seen?

If you’ve been living in the “he should just know” story…and it’s leaving you feeling resentful, lonely, and small…

👉 Schedule a free call with me

If you’re not even sure what you want…Let’s help you find your voice again.  Your desire is not too much.  And you’re not invisible. 💗