The Teshuva No One Talks About: Rediscovering Joy in Marriage

For me, teshuva didn’t start in shul. It started in my marriage.

I was certain of one thing: he needed to change. Not me.
I thought I was a good wife, a good person.
If I was miserable, it had to be his fault.

But he wasn’t changing.
And my resentment grew heavier and heavier.

I tried therapy. It validated me, but kept me stuck.
I tried marriage books. They gathered dust.

Then came the thought I resisted with all my might:
What if there’s something I could do to fix this?

I was furious. Why me? Why more responsibility?
Like every Jewish woman, I was busy, overwhelmed, exhausted.
But I was also desperate.

So I did it. I got a coach.
And everything began to shift.

Not just my marriage - me.

I stopped waiting for someone else to change.
I started taking responsibility for my own happiness.
And slowly, I came back to life.

I remembered the girl I used to be, the happy, spirited one.
The one my husband told the shadchan he was looking for.
When I became her again, he was drawn back to me.

It turned out:
It’s easier to return to joy than to stay stuck in resentment.
It’s lighter to choose love than to carry anger.

That’s teshuva.
Returning. Not just to Hashem, but to my best self.

And from that place, everything feels different.
My marriage. My family. My life.

This Elul, I invite you to ask yourself:
Where do you need to return?
What’s one step that will bring you closer to the woman you were created to be?

💌 If you’re ready for support on that journey, let’s talk.