Nobody Talks About...Feeling Alone on Family Vacation

“Pull over! Yossi’s throwing up!” Devorah shouted.

“I can’t pull over here,” Avi snapped, gripping the steering wheel. “We’re on the highway!”

The younger children shrieked. Sholom covered his nose, and Leah moaned that vomit had splashed onto her backpack.

Devorah reached blindly for wipes and plastic bags.  Avi finally pulled onto the shoulder and opened the back door.

“Why didn’t he say something sooner?” he muttered, reaching for the wipes.

“He’s carsick, Avi. He didn’t do it on purpose!” Devorah turned on him, her voice tight with anger as she dug through the bags for clean clothes.

Avi pointed toward the back seat, his voice rising. “I know that. But look at this mess!”

For a moment, they glared at each other across the open car door.

The children fell quiet.  Yossi’s face crumpled.

Devorah felt responsible for comforting Yossi, quieting the other children, finding clean clothes, and somehow making sure Avi’s irritation didn’t ruin the entire day.

That was the part that exhausted her most.

Whenever the family began unraveling, she didn’t feel as though she had a partner helping her hold everything together. She felt as though she had one more person’s emotions to manage.

If Avi and I were a team, I could handle the vomit, the whining, all of it. But right now, I feel completely alone.

This was not the family vacation she had imagined.  A few days away had sounded like exactly what they needed.  Fresh air. Beautiful scenery. Relaxed family time. Memories the children would talk about for years.

Instead, the tense silence between Devorah and Avi made every mile feel longer.

When they finally arrived, the Airbnb looked nothing like the spacious pictures online.  Avi stood in the hallway surveying the cramped rooms.

“Let’s put the boys in the living room and the baby in the girls’ room,” he suggested.

“That won’t work,” Devorah said immediately. “The boys will keep everyone awake, and the girls will never agree to have the baby.”

Avi exhaled. “Fine. Then you figure it out.”

He went outside to finish unloading and cleaning the car while Devorah rearranged beds, unpacked suitcases, and prepared supper.

Of course, she thought. I’m on my own again.

By the time Devorah finished pulling supper together, the younger children were bouncing off the walls, the older ones were complaining that there was nothing to do, and the tension between her and Avi still hung in the air.

Then the television flickered on.  Devorah spun around and saw Avi holding the remote.

“Why did you put on a movie?” she demanded.

Avi gestured toward the children. “Because everyone needs to calm down.”

Devorah stared at him. “We didn’t come all this way for them to sit and watch movies!”

“They’ve been miserable for the last hour,” Avi replied. “I was trying to get them out of your way.”

“So you just make that decision without discussing it with me?” Devorah asked, folding her arms.

Avi’s jaw tightened. “I’m trying to help, Devorah.”

Devorah’s voice hardened. “Well, it isn’t helpful.”

Avi’s face closed. He put down the remote and walked outside.  Devorah stood in the middle of the living room, furious.

Yet the movie created enough quiet for her to slip into the bedroom and join the coaching call she had almost forgotten about.

“I feel like I’m doing this entire vacation alone,” she told me. “If Avi would just work with me instead of doing whatever he wants, everything would be easier.”

When we slowed it down in coaching, something important became clear.

Devorah wasn’t only reacting to the movie.  She was reacting to the gap between the way Avi was helping and the way she wished he would help.

But there was another truth sitting right beside her frustration.

Avi had driven the entire way. He had cleaned the car, unloaded the luggage, tried to solve the sleeping arrangements, and settled the children when everyone was unraveling.

Devorah had been looking so hard at what he was doing wrong that she was losing sight of what he was already doing right.

And that became the beginning of her shift to gratitude.

Not by pretending she wanted the children watching a movie.  Not by telling herself her opinion didn’t matter.

But by letting Avi’s efforts count, even when she would have done things differently.

After the call, Devorah found Avi sitting outside.  She sat down nearby and took a breath.

“Thank you for putting on the movie,” she said. “You saw that everyone needed a chance to decompress, and you were trying to make things easier for me.”

Avi looked surprised. Then his face softened.  “I thought you could use a break too,” he said.

For the first time all day, the tension between them eased.  A few minutes later, Avi followed her inside and helped settle the children for the night.

For the rest of the trip, Devorah practiced looking for what Avi was doing right.

She thanked him for loading the car before their outings. When he took the younger children outside so she could rest, she let herself enjoy the quiet. And when he picked up supper one evening, she told him how much she appreciated not having to cook.

The Airbnb didn’t grow another bedroom.  The children didn’t stop complaining.

But the atmosphere changed. Avi didn’t become a different husband overnight. But Devorah’s lens changed.

Instead of seeing every imperfect solution as proof that she was alone, she began noticing the care underneath it.

And the more appreciated Avi felt, the more willing he seemed to step in. 

Not perfectly.

But more than before.

If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself: working so hard to create happy family time but ending up resentful and disappointed, you’re not alone.

It can be hard to recognize help when it doesn’t look the way you would have chosen.  But it doesn’t have to become the whole story.

The next time you hear yourself thinking, I’m doing everything alone, pause.

What is my husband doing right that I may not be counting?

Then let him know.

Big changes in marriage rarely come from big, dramatic moves. They come from small shifts.

You don’t have to figure it out alone. I’d love to support you.

Schedule a Free Marriage Breakthrough Session With Me

Let’s talk about how you can feel supported, connected, and part of a team again.